In my last two posts, I talked about the 5 ways that having a pandemic baby didn’t suck, and the 5 ways it did.
Finally, for your consideration, here are 5 ways it was straight-up weird.
#1 The Drive-By/Virtual Shower
With the right team, you can make an adorable day out of what should have been a group of women-strangers and your awkward husband eating questionable grocery store cake and opening your 37th blanket (“Wowwwwww, thanks, Aunt Carol!”). But there’s no denying it’s a weird-ass day. We did the virtual thing and the masked-outdoor-in-November event, and I have to say, they went pretty well. You couldn’t pay me to teach all of those old people how to use mute on Zoom again, though.
#2 Maternity Photos
Instead of a cooing photographer grabbing your hands, rearranging your hair and tilting your head at that unnatural angle, these shoots are outdoors, you sign your contract over Insta and e-transfer them some cash, and your photographer is standing 546 meters away, shouting instructions from behind her mask. Hey, they turned out great in the end!
#3 Giving Birth Wearing a Mask
I just love hearing people say that they don't want to wear a mask because it's itchy or hot or whatever the case may be... Well, guess what bitch? I pushed and slept and yelled and cried and birthed a human child wearing a mask, so you do not have my sympathies.
#4 Prepping for Baby, Virtually
I’m sure birthing classes and hospital tours and CPR practice and all the rest of it are always kind of weird, but let me tell you, doing all that stuff virtually was so weird. It was sad not to make some new parent friends at parenting classes. Instead, we took them online and over Zoom. Here we sat at home with our pillows, giving them chest compressions and breastfeeding them, like some tween practicing kissing in the mirror.
#5 I Think Our Baby Thinks Everyone is an Alien
For the first few months of her life, my husband and I were the only people our daughter saw without a mask. I legitimately think that she thinks other adults have no facial features. She’s in for a lot of rude shocks when she enters the big, wide world.